He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
