Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
