I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
