Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
