Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
