i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
