Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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