Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
