it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
