i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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