Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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