i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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