my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize