Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
