eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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