As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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