my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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