tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
