We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dicks are not precious.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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