It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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