So drunk its hurt
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
