let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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