He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
