He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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