I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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