first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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