but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
