Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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