Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
