I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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