So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
