its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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