..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Randomize
