You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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