she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
