dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
