He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
