i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
