I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
