I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
