so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
