I swear she didn't look like that last week.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
