what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
