so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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