lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
