I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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