she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize