This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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