Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
