we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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