would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
