my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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