I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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