At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
