I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
