What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
