when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
