I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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