where am i from again
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
