Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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