Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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