Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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