I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
