You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
