hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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