insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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