you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
