I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
