last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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