I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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