someone threw a dead crab at me
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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