I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
