were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
