i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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