6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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