8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
