I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
