Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
