Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize