I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
