where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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