Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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