just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You ruined the universe
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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