i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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