I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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