It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
