I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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