life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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