If that was your dad, he is hot
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize