I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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