I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
