She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
