What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
