Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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