She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize