he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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