is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
