When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize