Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i already hear my dad disowning me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
