Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
