Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
