I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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