I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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